I simply completed the process of perusing "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. I am 47 years old. I am attempting to put on my standard energetic, cheerful face for the world however inside I am an entire disorder.
While I have known for quite a while that I have issues with liquor, this book made me go up against them. however strangely support me to acknowledge I am not the only one. I found myself troubled coping with many issues in my life'. I tend to seek comfort by abusing a usage of alcohol, thus you can assume that my alcoholic addiction didn't caused by genetics or lack of self control, it was caused by myself consciously. I never had a rosy childhood; My father was unfaithful probably due to my mother being obese and lacking in confidence leaving me without attention and care. Psychologically, I was strong.
This might sound strange, but during my high school days, alcohol never appealed to me. However, I went to university at a reputable institution which takes pride in its academic excellence....while students prided themselves on their ability to party. My varsity days mark the commencement of my drinking habits and misdemeanour with the common negative outcomes notorious with severe alcohol use such as improper conducts, headaches, vomiting and loss of consciousness.
I discovered the only manner for a fat girl to have a sexual intercourse was to be drunk with equally as drunk boys.
I arouse one morning, naked in bed with some guy in a frat home in Montreal'.. I look back and it is really a miracle I didn't get badly harmed, land up in an infirmary or drunk tank or pregnant.
Life advanced on - I turned into an enlisted nurture, acquired an experts degree and dated a pleasant individual. We drank wine on ends of the week when we were as one and at times amid the week I would buy a jug for myself.
Time flew, and so did my life; I got married, had two kids and during the months preceding their birth I avoided alcohol. But then as life goes on, aging parents, ADHD child, stressed workaholic husband with infuriation problems.....wine on weekends turned into wine Thursday-Sunday.
My husband got addicted to a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of alcohol...and shortly a nocturnal habit to crack one or two... Privately, I started mixing my own alcoholic beverages and hiding the glass in my baking cupboard.
After a hectic day at work, I return home to face domestic chores, dinner plans, getting my sick child to complete the task given to him at school and at the same time ensuring my other child does his house chore; in the midst of all these the only thought lingering within me is the wine I will take later and when the opportunity comes I drink to stupor. The first thing I do when I woke up in the mornings is worrying whom I may have accidentally texted while drunk, I almost lost control over myself and this routine goes on and on.
Be that as it may, there is more - two years prior I got to be distinctly required in an extremely serious enthusiastic issue with one of my child's companion's fathers. The relationship never got intimate (besides a few hugs and staying very close at sporting venues) but if some of you have read about (or witnessed) an emotional affair, the effect can be just as dramatic and fierce, if not more so then a physical love affair. I was on seventh heaven - all the time my phone showed a message'.oh the rush of feelings. Usually we exchanged texts late into night, at times in the middle of the night, while we were at duty.
I felt really happy, happier that I had ever been. The relationship was getting dangerously near intersection the sexual line and he pulled back. I have been emotionally down and sorrowful over this loss....and the drinking escalated.
The cocktails I have been mixed helped me to cope with the pain from the loss I experienced.
I am so embarrassed as view back over my life. The drunken episodes:
Being completely drunk at a party last year.
Drunk at the golden jubilee celebration of a relative.
Yelling on the phone
I shouted and screamed inappropriately in front of my kids
I threw punches at my husband's face so often
An aggregate yelling battle one night when my child had a companion dozing over
Now I am a bit more informed thanks to 'Drink', this platform where got me to know I am not alone and the remedial centre I am presently in, has been an eye opener. I have a feeling that I am returning home.